Eulogy x3

Eulogy 1: What you think actually sums up your life

Stacie was a very smart person with a natural proclivity for academics. She strived to make great marks in all of her educational endeavors and succeeded most of the time - insuring a source of pride for all who knew her from these efforts.

I knew Stacie to be a very honest person. Often times, she would make people refrain from speaking ill towards others that she knew of around her. I guess she just didn't have it in her to listen to other people speak disrespectfully about someone else. She refused to lie. She lead by example, showing us all how to be better and how to benefit by being truthful to ourselves.  

Stacie was a very loving person and committed to helping others. In fact, one of her shortcomings stems from this. Stacie  oftentimes became confused by the blurred line between professionalism and just flat-out caring too much for a person in her day to day occupational duties. She would bring her feelings for people she helped home with her- always wishing to be of more service to them, constantly empathizing.

I think the key defining trait of Stacie was her family ties. She viewed family as a source of constant strength and inspiration. Family was her world. She was constantly trying to build and grow her family. She made many friends over the course of her life, each of which came to know and love her in their own special way. And in turn, she made these people feel like extensions of her family. - loved, trusted, cherished.

In conclusion, all who came to love Stacie realized that she was a great and special person who gave them all every bit of herself - her love, her compassion, her strength.

Eulogy 2: What you fear could be written about you

Stacie was a positive person but spent most of her life in a struggle to find herself. Her childhood was checkered by love and rejection that reached into her adolescence and adult life. In her younger years, she often strived for approval and attention, but was often left feeling sad and alone. She did her best to hide these feelings but they would make themselves known throughout her childhood.

Adolescence was a tough period for Stacie. She lost herself in others and had to fight to find her way back to the person she wanted to be. She had many struggles and disappointments. She often found herself loving the wrong people and caused herself a lot of pain. It was also a tough period for her family. She made a lot of bad choices that affected those around her and caused worry and concern. She forgot how to love and isolated herself with her feelings. Adolescence was a battle that raged on for years, but she managed to overcome her obstacles and in her mid twenties she went back to school to find her passion in life.

Unfortunately, Stacie passed away just before graduation. With only 2 weeks left before earning her degree - tragedy struck. It was a quick and unexpected loss. We hope she felt little pain, but no one can say for sure what she was feeling. Stacie had grown a lot over the last several years, but we will never know what she could have achieved. She was a flower that was late to blossom, and it's beauty will never be revealed. 

Eulogy 3: What you hope could be written about you

Stacie was a happy person and always wanted to share that joy with others. Since she was a child she would always go out of her way to help others. There was one time when her brother didn't have enough money to go to Knott's Scary Farm with his friends, so she dipped into her 10 year old piggy bank and gave him most of her money. She didn't seek rewards, it was love that inspired her to help others. She could know you for a minute or ten years and she would still do everything she could to help if you were in need.

Her smile was sincere and her words were honest. She was passionate about life and being kind to everyone you meet. Throughout life she would donate her time and compassion to people who were in need. She has fed the homeless, volunteered at schools and hospitals, and inspired others with her kindness. Just knowing Stacie inspired you to be a better person. Was she perfect? Hell no. But she was true to herself and lived a life she could be proud of.

Stacie will leave behind a family that she cherished and loving group of friends and supporters. Although she is not physically with us anymore, her memory will live on in the hearts of all the people that she touched. We will remember her humor, her love, and her passion for life. We will remember that family means everything and those we love are family. We will remember that life involves struggles but you should never stop fighting. Stacie was able to overcome her early tribulations and dedicated her life to helping others do the same. She will always be loved, remembered, and missed.

Loneliness

I spent a couple hours on Main St. in Huntington Beach. There are always people there from many different walks of life. I see people handling loneliness in many different ways. A lot of people drink and socialize to cover their loneliness, but you can tell there is not a deep connection with the person they are with. Other people look sad and are sitting alone. Many people who are alone are smoking and standing near others, but not interacting. I overheard one conversation of a very pretty girl talking with her friends about being lonely. She also explained she had recently been dating two other people, but those relationships ended and now she was lonely. She asked her friends to help find her a new man and said she was ready to go prowl. Listening to her talk, I got the impression that finding another man would not solve her problem. She would still be lonely.


The saddest part of my day was listening to that beautiful girl rationalize these meaningless relationships. It left me with the impression that she would spend a lot of time searching for a relationship that she wasn't ready for. I believe there is some truth in the old saying that no one can fully love you until you love yourself. On another note, this experience made me realize the value of just saying "Hi, how are you?". You may not be able to solve the loneliness of another, but you might make a small difference in their life just by taking the time to say hello. You might even discover you have a lot in common and make a new friend. It has been quite some time since I truly felt lonely, but it was a very depressing feeling. Feeling alone is awful. If you see someone you that appears to be lonely, say hello. Strike up a conversation. Be a positive influence in the life of another. It could benefit you both.

Sexaulity - Questions From a 30 Year Old Virgin

I was a little worried about this assignment, but then an opportunity presented itself to me. I have a friend who is 30 years old and still a virgin. He has little sexual experience but loves and respects women. He has held onto his virginity for religious reasons. Last night, he began a discussion about sexuality and I was completely comfortable engaging and answering his questions.


1. Are you ever not in the mood for sex?


This question makes me laugh but I completely understand where he is coming from. He stated that he could not think of time where he would not want sex, and that he wants to be with someone who feels the same way. I think back to teenage years of sexual curiosity and desire and I know exactly how he feels. Before I became sexually active, and in the beginning of new relationships, your sex drive is heightened and for the most part, you are willing to have sex with your partner all the time. However, I explained that the longer you are with someone, the more life gets in the way. There are times when you are stressing about bills, or obligations, or homework, or illness... there are times when sex is the last thing on your mind. He said he understood and agreed.


2. Are you past the honey moon period in your relationship?


So this is where it gets a little personal for me. My friend wanted to know specifically about my relationship and I was open to talking about it with him... but now I have to post it online for anyone to read... The honest answer is yes. I am past the honey moon period in my relationship. We have been together for almost two years and although we are still attracted to each other, we are not as physical as we were in the beginning of the relationship. I explained to my friend that although it might seem disappointing, it is actually a good sign. At the beginning of a relationship most feelings are based on attraction and sex. As the relationship grows and matures you don't need sex to fill in the emotional gaps. My boyfriend and I are deeply in love and spend most of our time together doing activities. We hike, we read, we play video games, we play music, we sing, we dance, we enjoy each other's company. The sex is great, yes, but it isn't everything.


3. What is the average amount of sex a couple will have per week?


I explained to my friend that the answer to that question will vary widely depending on the couple you ask. My boyfriend and I have a very healthy relationship. We are comfortable talking to each other about our needs and desires. We go out of our way to please each other and keep the relationship spicy. My friend said he understood and would like to have sex with his partner a minimum of 3-4 times per week. I said that seems perfectly normal for a young couple with no children. Of course it depends on distance, living situation, age, work schedules, etc., but most of the young couples I know meet his ideal average.

Female Role Models

 

My mother – For most people, their first gender role model is their mother. I’m no exception to this rule. My mother spent her teenage years as a model and was moderately successful, but by the time I came around that was ancient history. The mother I knew was beautiful, but she had lost her interest in make up and high fashion so those things were never very interesting to me. I taught myself how to do my make-up and my fashion sense has always been questionable lol. My mother was often encouraging me to “sit like a lady”. She allowed me to experiment with my hair and make-up. We struggled with having an open and close relationship when I was younger so I never really felt I had anyone to talk to about being a woman. I just kind of navigated my way through adolescence with my friends.

 

Pink – A more recent example of a female role model is the artist, Pink. Pink’s music helped me navigate through a somewhat troubled adolescence and still influences me as an adult. I love her hard but pretty appearance and her tough girl attitude. She makes no apologies for who she is and what she wants. I remember specifically a song about the pressure to fit in in the music industry and how she got famous do what she wants and being who she is. She is physically fit and became a huge success by staying true to herself and not conforming to cultural standards of beauty and femininity.

 

Pink and my mom share the qualities of natural beauty and non-conformance. They are comfortable in their own skin and confident in their abilities. I chose these women as role models because they possess the qualities I find most desirable. They are confident, strong, successful, and make no apologies for who they are.

Relationship Modeling

My parents did not have healthy relationship when I was a child, but they knew that and chose to divorce when I was very young. I guess that should have given me double the opportunity to be exposed to a healthy marriage, but I never was. My father remarried first (and quickly) to an emotionally unstable woman with two kids. We tried to blend our families but it was just too difficult. My father and my stepmother had intense arguments that often involved throwing and breaking objects and a couple times physically restraining my stepmother. They attempted counseling but it just wasn’t going to work. By the time I was 18 they were ready to get a divorce. My mother remarried slightly later than my father to a man whose children were grown and she took their relationship slowly. My stepfather had a temper and I often witnessed them arguing. No one fights fair in my family. I never learned from my parents how to argue with respect or accept my partner’s differences. It actually wasn’t until I was in my twenties that I moved in with my aunt and uncle, who also had 3 children, that I was exposed to a healthy relationship. Obviously no relationship is perfect, but theirs is pretty darn close. They respect and love each other. They don’t call each other names and they don’t curse. Every decision made is a team decision and even when they disagree they are able to calmly come to an agreement. What I learned from my parents is that I wouldn’t want to replicate their relationship, or the relationships they had following each other. What I do want is what I saw between my aunt and my uncle. I want a partnership. I want someone who respects me even when we disagree. I want the love I share with my partner to radiate through us. I want closeness and honesty. I’m very grateful for the time I spent with my aunt learning what real love looks like.

Just Do It - (Workout!)

The last year I have spent less and less time on myself and my fitness goals. A couple years ago I was on a roll; I was training for a half marathon and almost never missed my daily workouts. I went through several life changes over the last couple years and one of the things I lost focus on was fitness. I spent the last two weeks working on my health and trying to find that fire that has been missing as of late. It's often hard for me to find the time to workout because I take 15-18 units per quarter, work my internship job, and my regular job. I also have family obligations and relationships that need my attention. However, when challenged and assigned to make time to workout I happily accepted. I squeeze my workouts into whatever time I can find. When home on the weekends I was able to make time for Yoga and hiking - two of my favorite activities because they bring me peace and allow me time to focus on me. During the week I spent my lunch break taking a 30 minute walk that covered about 2 miles. It felt nice to get out of the office and even better to know that I was taking matters into my own hands again. I am not comfortable with the weight I have gained recently and this assignment could be the beginning of my push for physical fitness. Working out gives me energy, a more positive outlook, and more confidence. I will post a picture of my workout soon.

Love Language

People love and perceive love in very different ways. The first person I spoke to about the way I love is my amazing boyfriend Jonathan. He is seriously one of the best things that ever happened to me. I talked to him about how I like to show my love with physical affection and he agreed that is the one of the primary displays of caring I give. I show affection using massage, back scratches, hugs, kisses, hand holding, and a million other ways. I have dated people who weren't into that, but I'm so glad that he is. We also talked about how I show my love verbally. He said I'm very encouraging, supportive, and vocal. When I feel something, I say it. Whether it is about the awesome partnership we have, my hopes for the future, or just the warm fuzzy feeling of love. I don't let the moment pass without speaking my emotions. Lastly we discussed how he believes I reward people with gifts. I had never really considered that but he is right. I buy him small gifts and send him things I think he would like. I pay for dinner when I want him to know he is appreciated and that we are a team. Our love works well together because I get the same things I give. We are deeply connected by our ability to give and receive love.

The other person I spoke to was my dad. I show love to my dad and the rest of my family by being there. There was a time when I didn't spend much time with my family and didn't appreciate them. Now, I never miss a chance to spend time with them. My family is my priority and I have become the person that is always planning the next holiday or get together. I also show my love verbally. I never hang up the phone without saying "Love you, bye". My dad tells me how proud he is of me and I reciprocate the feeling. The emotional connection is clear between us. No wondering or second guessing, we let each other know how much we love each other all the time. The last way I show my love is by being helpful. I never say no when family needs a favor. I'm the first person to show up and lend a helping hand. I don't expect anything back because honestly they have given me so much more than I feel like I give them. Being helpful is the least I can do.

I'm very grateful to have people in my life that accept the love I give them and love me back in the same ways. Life is beautiful when you spend it with those you love.

Nourishing the Spirit

This week I did many things to nourish my spirit, and I would like to discuss a few of them with you. I find that it nourishes my spirit when I give honest compliments to others and share in successes and joys with the people I love. This weekend I went to a wedding for my cousin and his new bride. It was a beautiful ceremony at the Fullerton Arboretum and it was about a 1/4 of a mile stroll down a dirt path lined with trees, plants, waterfalls, flowers, etc. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful ceremony. Sharing in the joy of the couple and celebrating with hundreds of friends is pretty nourishing, but I made sure to take the time to stop and appreciate all the other little things that were happening around me. Like the turtles in the pond, the birds flying overhead, the smell of the spring flowers, and the beautiful sunset behind the trees. Below is a picture of my boyfriend and I enjoying a lovely Saturday.

Another thing I'm doing to add to my quality of life is volunteering at a local elementary school two days per week for four hours per day. I am working on my getting my teaching credential so I wanted to volunteer and my niece asked if I could volunteer in her classroom. I cleared it with the school so I could volunteer in her class and I also volunteer in another class to diversify my experience. It's rewarding on a tangible level because it is experience I need to help me reach my goals, but it's also rewarding to my spirit because I get to be a part of the learning experience for over 30 little children. It's a true gift to me. I plan on continuing to volunteer as long as the school will have me and my schedule allows. Here is a picture of me with the girl who nourishes my soul. In the picture are showing off the BFF necklaces that she bought with her own money. Volunteering at the school is great, but getting to volunteer in my niece's classroom and spend that extra time with her is just the best!

Messages to Me

Your self-worth?

My dad makes it a point to always tell me (and my brother) how proud he is of us, "I'm so proud of you". He will always say it with the most honest and sincere look in his eyes and it has always made me feel incredibly special. Special and lucky to have such an awesome dad.

Your potential to succeed?

Both of my parents were always very encouraging when it came to following our dreams. They supported me in everything I tried - from selling perfume to becoming a teacher. They always had my back. I remember them always saying, "You can do this".

Your gender role?

I think my parents always wanted me to be a little more girly than I was. I was more of a tom-boy. I liked playing sports and getting dirty. If one phrase stands out the most from my childhood it is my mother constantly reminding me to, "Sit like a lady". The memory brings a smile and a chuckle to my face.

Your intelligence?

I'm having trouble remembering a direct quote regarding intelligence. Intelligence is definitely encouraged from a young age in our family; my brother and I would practice our times tables and race each other for fun. I loved to read and I think my parents would often encourage that.  My dad sometimes says, "You're a genius, just like me".

Your trust in yourself?

I can definitely remember my parents saying things to me like, "I know you'll do the right thing". It usually came up in adolescence when talking about drugs or alcohol.

Trusting others?

From a young age my father shared with my brother and me the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". I think we were taught to always look for the best in people. I became slight more skeptical after my rebellious teenage years but I still like to give most people the benefit of the doubt.

Making yourself vulnerable?

"Big baby". It's actually kind of an inside joke. My brother, my mom, and myself, all cry at the drop of a hat. We cry at movies, we cry at songs, we cry when we share memories and hopes and dreams. Usually when one person calls another a "big baby" both people actually have tears in their eyes, and it's a smile and a laugh to get us back on track.

Your creativity?

I was never very creative. When I did like to express my creative side, like through acting or singing, I always felt very supported. Usually they would say something like "You were the best ____" Fill in the blank. The best lamb in the Christmas play, the best witch they had ever seen, etc.

Your ability to be loved?

"I love you". Probably the three most powerful words you can tell a child, and no matter how many times you tell them, it can never be enough. I heard the words "I love you" a million times in my childhood and although I struggled a lot in my romantic life I never doubted that I was loved.

Your capacity to give love?

One day, after a very long and deep conversation, my aunt said to me "You have so much love to

give, and I know that one day someone is going to be able to return that love. Someone is going

to love you the way you deserve to be loved". That was a very powerful moment in my life. It changed not only the way I saw myself but also my view of what I deserved.

For the ones that you consider negative, do you think you are ready to change them?  Why now?

Childhood and Adolescent Reflection

Earliest Recollection

My earliest memory is not a pleasant one. This is not the first time I have been asked this question and I always wish there was something else I could say, but there isn't. My parents got divorced when I was very young. My earliest memory is a time I walked in on an argument right before they separated. I couldn't have been older than three at this time. I remember walking into the kitchen and seeing my parents yelling at each other. As best as I can remember, this argument was about money and bills. I asked for something, but I can't remember exactly what. Maybe a glass of water, or a bowl of cereal... but I remember my parents turning on me. They yelled and told me to "shut up" which was considered a bad word in my house. They said, "Shut up, Stacie! Get out of here!". It wrecked me. I remember being so hurt and so sad that my parents would treat me and each other this way. I ran into the living room crying and sat there until my brother found me. He asked me what was wrong and I said "nothing". He hugged me and said "You wouldn't be crying if nothing was wrong". Then we sat there silently together and waited out the fight. That was a defining moment between me and my brother. It established him as my protector and someone who could provide love and comfort in an unstable time. My brother was my  rock and it remained that way well into adulthood.

I believe this memory had a large impact on my childhood and adolescence. I often felt lonely and unloved. I felt insecure. My childhood was a lot of back and forth between each parent's house. My parents continued to fight and my brother and I were often in the middle regarding arguments about child support and which parent was taking better care of us. It was a really rough time for me and also affected my ability to make long lasting friendships. However, the one constant was my brother. He was always there for me when I needed him and he was probably one of the only people I could trust. I think that moment we shared as children is still influencing my life today because I don't doubt for a second that my brother would be there for me no matter what I was going through. He is someone I can depend on. He is the main male role model I have had in my life and the bond we share has gotten me through a lot of tough times. Through my parents I have learned what an unhealthy relationship looks like and that children should never be involved in the arguments of a divorce. As an adult I have been able to put all the hurt of the past behind me and I have very close relationships with both my parents.

Adolescent

This is a time period I really don't discuss with a lot of people. I was a rebellious teenager and I made a lot of mistakes. My relationships were always hidden and kept secret from my family. I always wanted to date older men and put myself in a lot of dangerous situations. I chose my friends poorly and I liked to party. Along with being secretive I was also very manipulative. I hid things from my family and manipulated evidence and facts to make it look like I was an innocent, hard working teenager. I started ditching school my sophomore year but by my junior year I skipped class nearly every day. I was able to stay in school by having friends drop assignments off to my teachers without ever showing up. In my adolescent years I would say my biggest struggles were with my relationships, both friends and lovers.

My struggles in adolescence affected me well into adulthood. I never really experienced a healthy relationship until my mid-twenties. I often found myself in abusive and unhealthy relationships and I would stay with the same person for years. I think my search for love also goes back to the uncertainty of my childhood as well as poor choices in my adolescence. I remember discussing my boyfriend history with my brother once and he pointed out to me that I couldn't find a good guy because I was still looking in all the wrong places and accepting all the wrong offers. He also taught me that attractiveness is a very small part of what makes up a healthy and rewarding relationship. The one relationship issue that I occasionally still struggle with is trust. It is hard for me to believe that I am being genuinely loved and appreciated. I know now how to recognize negative and positive qualities, and which qualities are important to a healthy relationship, but I often doubt myself. However, I truly believe every moment of pain and struggle I went through has shaped me into the person I have become. I am very proud of the things I have accomplished. My future is based on helping others and adding positivity to the world. I had to rebuild my adult life from the bottom up and without my struggles I wouldn't be able to help another person do the same thing.

Learning Styles

Your Learning Style

Based on your input, you show definite strengths in the following areas of intelligence:
Verbal, Logical/Mathematical, Intrapersonal, Interpersonal
Verbal Intelligence You prefer verbal intelligence, using it with comfort and ease. Given an opportunity, you will usually select it. Becoming an expert should be rewarding and fulfilling, and will require little effort.
Musical Intelligence You use musical intelligence with some comfort and ease. You could take or leave the application or use of this intelligence. While you accept it, you do not embrace it. Gaining expertise in this intelligence would be satisfying, but would require considerable effort.
Logical/Mathematical Intelligence You prefer logical/mathematical intelligence, using it with comfort and ease. Given an opportunity, you will usually select it. Becoming an expert should be rewarding and fulfilling, and will require little effort.
Spatial Intelligence You use spatial intelligence with some comfort and ease. You could take or leave the application or use of this intelligence. While you accept it, you do not embrace it. Gaining expertise in this intelligence would be satisfying, but would require considerable effort.
Kinesthetic Intelligence You use kinesthetic intelligence with some comfort and ease. You could take or leave the application or use of this intelligence. While you accept it, you do not embrace it. Gaining expertise in this intelligence would be satisfying, but would require considerable effort.
Intrapersonal Intelligence You prefer intrapersonal intelligence, using it with comfort and ease. Given an opportunity, you will usually select it. Becoming an expert should be rewarding and fulfilling, and will require little effort.
Interpersonal Intelligence You prefer interpersonal intelligence, using it with comfort and ease. Given an opportunity, you will usually select it. Becoming an expert should be rewarding and fulfilling, and will require little effort.
Naturalist Intelligence You use the naturalist intelligence with some comfort and ease. You could take or leave the application or use of this intelligence. While you accept it, you do not embrace it. Gaining expertise in this intelligence would be satisfying, but would require considerable effort.

This is not the first time I have taken this test but the results seem slightly different to me. I can't recall exactly what I tested as before but the answers seemed to be more in depth. I agree with the results almost completely.  The main problem I have with the results is they show very little diversity. Every intelligence says "You prefer..." or "You could take or leave...", there are no answers that came up as "You don't prefer..." or "You pretty much hate...". There are some things I know I can preform more easily than others and I'm sure you can apply that to my learning styles. I'm not particularly gifted with Kinesthetic or Spatial, even though there are things about both I occasionally enjoy. I guess that works with "You could take or leave...", now that I think about it. I find self tests like this quite interesting but I wish the results here provided a little more guidance. I would like to know which style of learning I scored strongest on and which style was my weakest. Even though I have taken this test before it was interesting to take it again and see the results. I doubt it will have much influence on my learning styles in the future but it is still good information to have.

COUN 445 Introduction

1.   Stacie

2.   CSULA - Rehab Services 

3.

Selfie

4.