Sexaulity - Questions From a 30 Year Old Virgin

I was a little worried about this assignment, but then an opportunity presented itself to me. I have a friend who is 30 years old and still a virgin. He has little sexual experience but loves and respects women. He has held onto his virginity for religious reasons. Last night, he began a discussion about sexuality and I was completely comfortable engaging and answering his questions.


1. Are you ever not in the mood for sex?


This question makes me laugh but I completely understand where he is coming from. He stated that he could not think of time where he would not want sex, and that he wants to be with someone who feels the same way. I think back to teenage years of sexual curiosity and desire and I know exactly how he feels. Before I became sexually active, and in the beginning of new relationships, your sex drive is heightened and for the most part, you are willing to have sex with your partner all the time. However, I explained that the longer you are with someone, the more life gets in the way. There are times when you are stressing about bills, or obligations, or homework, or illness... there are times when sex is the last thing on your mind. He said he understood and agreed.


2. Are you past the honey moon period in your relationship?


So this is where it gets a little personal for me. My friend wanted to know specifically about my relationship and I was open to talking about it with him... but now I have to post it online for anyone to read... The honest answer is yes. I am past the honey moon period in my relationship. We have been together for almost two years and although we are still attracted to each other, we are not as physical as we were in the beginning of the relationship. I explained to my friend that although it might seem disappointing, it is actually a good sign. At the beginning of a relationship most feelings are based on attraction and sex. As the relationship grows and matures you don't need sex to fill in the emotional gaps. My boyfriend and I are deeply in love and spend most of our time together doing activities. We hike, we read, we play video games, we play music, we sing, we dance, we enjoy each other's company. The sex is great, yes, but it isn't everything.


3. What is the average amount of sex a couple will have per week?


I explained to my friend that the answer to that question will vary widely depending on the couple you ask. My boyfriend and I have a very healthy relationship. We are comfortable talking to each other about our needs and desires. We go out of our way to please each other and keep the relationship spicy. My friend said he understood and would like to have sex with his partner a minimum of 3-4 times per week. I said that seems perfectly normal for a young couple with no children. Of course it depends on distance, living situation, age, work schedules, etc., but most of the young couples I know meet his ideal average.