Relationship Modeling

My parents did not have healthy relationship when I was a child, but they knew that and chose to divorce when I was very young. I guess that should have given me double the opportunity to be exposed to a healthy marriage, but I never was. My father remarried first (and quickly) to an emotionally unstable woman with two kids. We tried to blend our families but it was just too difficult. My father and my stepmother had intense arguments that often involved throwing and breaking objects and a couple times physically restraining my stepmother. They attempted counseling but it just wasn’t going to work. By the time I was 18 they were ready to get a divorce. My mother remarried slightly later than my father to a man whose children were grown and she took their relationship slowly. My stepfather had a temper and I often witnessed them arguing. No one fights fair in my family. I never learned from my parents how to argue with respect or accept my partner’s differences. It actually wasn’t until I was in my twenties that I moved in with my aunt and uncle, who also had 3 children, that I was exposed to a healthy relationship. Obviously no relationship is perfect, but theirs is pretty darn close. They respect and love each other. They don’t call each other names and they don’t curse. Every decision made is a team decision and even when they disagree they are able to calmly come to an agreement. What I learned from my parents is that I wouldn’t want to replicate their relationship, or the relationships they had following each other. What I do want is what I saw between my aunt and my uncle. I want a partnership. I want someone who respects me even when we disagree. I want the love I share with my partner to radiate through us. I want closeness and honesty. I’m very grateful for the time I spent with my aunt learning what real love looks like.